Marriage Checkup Q’s.

Posted by on May 31, 2010 | Comments Off

These are a set of questions (taken from an excellent article about loving your wife better) that Jana and I try to talk through about every 3-4 months.  The only way that this will be fruitful is if both spouses enter the conversation in humility and with a great desire to encourage each other and strengthen the marriage.  It’s vital that you’re honest with one another.  Be straightforward with critique, but gentle.  And be louder with your praise and encouragement than your critique.
Each person should ask the other spouse each question.  There shouldn’t be one-sided critique or one-sided encouragement.
  1. On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the last six months.  (Followup: what have been the strengths of the last six months? What would have made your assessment higher?)
  2. How has the husband’s leadership been in the last six months? The wife’s support? (Followup: how can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?)
  3. How is your walk with God both personally and as a couple?
  4. Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
  5. Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
  6. Are we guarding meaningful time together? Prayer? Date night? Conversation?
  7. How is our sex life?
  8. What could I do to make you feel more loved/secured/respected?
  9. How can I serve you better?
  10. What are issues that we need to be anticipating in the next six months?
  11. What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest personal satisfaction of the last six months?
  12. How can I best pray for you?
  13. Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things each of you loves and appreciates about each other.
  14. Then close, spending some concerted time in prayer for your marriage, thanking God for his faithfulness.

NOTE: go into the conversation making it your goal to be brief (but clear) with negatives, and profuse with encouragement.

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