5 ways to hate reproof

Posted by on May 19, 2011 | Comments Off

This Proverb has nestled into my heart like a healing splinter in the last two weeks…

Whoever loves correction, loves knowledge.  But he who hates reproof is stupid.  - Prov 12:1

Personal observation: the common denominator when I look at the people who are the most godly around me is that they’re very open to people speaking hard truth into their lives.  They listen to and receive correction.  Other personal observation: the common denominator of people who seem to fail to grow into spiritual maturity is that they “hate reproof”.

5 Ways We “Hate Reproof”…

  • Turn the tables. This usually happens by appealing to person, setting, or tactic.

Person: “They’ve never experienced what I’ve experienced. They have no business instructing me!”.

Setting: “You should’ve talked to me about this as soon as it happened, not a week later!”  or  ”How dare you bring this up in a parking lot after church!  If you were going to say anything, it should’ve been in private!”

Tactic:  ”You just seem angry.  This should be done in love!  I don’t have to listen to this!”

  • Shut down. When someone brings rebuke to you, you drown yourself in self-pity or despair and shut down.  You don’t respond, don’t look the person in the eye, and don’t listen.  You fully immerse yourself in the role of “victim”.
  • Become Defensive. When someone is bringing correction, you switch into “defend” mode.  While they’re talking, you’re mounting your defense, looking for any justification for your actions.  You’re not valuing what they’re saying; you’re combatting what they’re saying.  In short, you’re doing everything except actually listening to them.
  • Become Dismissive. When someone brings correction to you, you politely hear them (not “listen to them”).  You smile and nod and may even make a few comments of assent.  But when they walk away, you immediately dismiss what they said.  Your goal wasn’t to grow in righteousness, but to get the person off your back.
  • Justify or Rationalize. Usually we do this by appealing to our personality or our circumstances.

Personality: “It wasn’t a sin to say what I said. That’s just who I am. I’m an opinionated person!”  or  ”People just can’t handle my honesty.  Sorry, I was just raised to be honest.”

Circumstances:  ”I’m going through a financial crisis, my schedule is crazy, and my marriage is struggling.  I think it’s fine if I…”  or  ”I’m in the middle of a really hard emotional season.  I can’t be expected to…”

Christian, there might not be a more important taste to develop than a taste for correction from people around you.  Love it, cherish it, value it, and even SEEK it, and you will know the true joy of righteousness.

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